On Dialogue
Dignity, Silence, & the Mercy of Walking Away
How do we have genuine dialogue with one another? This is a timely question. These days, it seems, we enjoy talking at each other more than dialoguing with one another. The 24-hour “news” media/programs are cases-in-point. There’s serious bank to be made on not only streaming but also producing the malignant mudslinging, into which our society is constantly baptized. There’s a market for hostility—the whole “supply and demand” thing, I suppose. Someone once said that if humanity ever achieved peace, we’d get bored and adopt violence as a pleasurable respite. This is a sad, though likely accurate, picture of the human situation.
At any rate, I was thinking this morning about the mechanics of dialogue and how one might dare to push back against our rather decadent era of squawking and blustery tribalism. What follows is nothing at all profound; just musings on how to think carefully and charitably. Maybe there’s a nugget worth considering…
Genuine dialogue assumes the dignity of the other. One reason we talk at (instead of with) one another is because, at base, we lack respect for the other person. We forget that other people are not things to be conquered, but other people to be valued—to be heard, respected. Mutual respect is the atmosphere of true dialogue. We are all divine image-bearers. And when the essential dignity of the other is disregarded, dialogue dies via suffocation.
Genuine dialogue requires silence. To enter into dialogue with another person, one must first take time to stop and listen to the other person. And to listen, of course, entails not speaking. In most debates, this doesn’t happen—at least not in the sense of authentic silence. Often, we only stop talking so we can get locked-and-loaded for the next round of rapid fire. Instead of this, we ought to truly listen to the other person, not so that we can gear up for our response, but so that we can better understand. As the New Testament says, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19 NIV).
Genuine dialogue requires your voice. It’s true that we need to practice silence, as said above. But remember: If only one person is allowed to talk, then it’s a monologue. Dialogue is a two-way street. Your voice matters, too. And so, it’s okay to remind your dialogue partner that they ought to share in the dignity of practicing silence for the sake of the voice of the other—your voice. Give yourself permission to speak up, to disagree, to rebut. Don’t bury the talent.
Know when to walk away. I’m not naive. Sometimes dialogue is impossible. Some people are heavy-handed and, sadly, have no room for the other. Some people love themselves more than they do their neighbor. It’s important to remember that you are not called to toxic conversations (or relationships). So, give yourself permission to kindly step away, entrusting such people to the mercies of God. Perhaps your walking away will prove in the end to be a gift and wake them up. Maybe one day the scales will fall, thus allowing them to see that a life lived in a chamber of mirrors and echoes is really no life at all.
Like I said, nothing profound. Just simple thoughts for a rainy Tuesday morning.
Very pertinent for today’s uber polarised environment.